Reasons someone might consider adoption: To give their child a ‘better’ life

By Leah Lusk, content specialist

Some people consider adoption because they think their child would be better off being raised by someone else, perhaps someone better prepared or more financially equipped to raise a child. They believe that they aren’t ready, and that someone else is.

This idea is reinforced by a culture that paints certain families — usually White, wealthy, married couples — as more stable or ideal, and that markets adoption as a way to give a child a “better life.”

But who decides what is better?

Children need love, safety, and connection, and these things aren’t unique to one kind of family. While adoption can offer some children a certain kind of stability, it also brings lifelong questions — about identity, belonging, and loss.

The reality is that we can never run a side-by-side experiment to see whether a child would be better off being raised in their family of origin or by an adoptive family who might seem better prepared. Even if we could, what metrics would we use to decide which path was the “better” one?

Some adult adoptees have shared that the “better life” narrative is harmful*, or that comments to adoptees like “you should be grateful” for adoption minimize the grief they experience.

We tell the people we work with – both expectant parents who are considering planning adoptions and the prospective adoptive families who hope to become parents through adoption – that adoption does not provide a better life, only a different one.

Coming next week: Being pressured while vulnerable

*The link above goes to Medium.com, which requires that you create a free account to read content. Many adult adoptees share their perspectives on Medium, and we encourage people to read what they have to say!