Closed vs. open adoption
Closed vs. open adoption
Most adoptions from prior generations were closed, which meant that there was no contact between the birth family and the adoptive family. In many cases, this also meant the adopted child had no information about their biological identity. In some cases, the child was not even told they were adopted.
Closed adoption was motivated by fear, shame and secrecy. The assumption was that closed adoption was in everyone’s best interest.
- Contact with or knowledge of birth parents was thought to be confusing for a child. In reality, it is less confusing for a child to have access to information about all parts of who they are.
- It was thought that birth parents would be better off forgetting about pregnancy, giving birth and adoption and moving on with their life. It is now understood that, while moving forward is possible, forgetting is not.
- Closed adoption aimed to help adoptive parents feel no different than any other family whose children were born to them. However, this ignores the trauma experienced by the child and does not recognize the needs of all members of an adoptive family. For example, adoptive parents in some cases may have a difficult time building an attachment with their adopted child or truly feeling like parents. Acknowledging that there are differences in adoptive families helps adoptive parents and their children seek the support they need.
While forms of closed adoption do still exist today, they are far from the norm.
- Some birth parents choose to plan an adoption and indicate they do not desire contact for a variety of reasons.
- In some cases, a biological parent who initially did not want contact may become more interested in a relationship as time goes on and they learn more about open adoption. Some parents aren’t ready for an ongoing relationship right away or they may not know what kind of relationship they hope to have with an adoptive family.
- Even in cases where the biological family does not want a relationship, an adoptive family can embrace a culture of openness.
- It’s also important to acknowledge that everyone is findable today due to the internet, social media and readily available DNA testing. These connections might be made through extended family. It is not possible to guarantee absolute confidentiality to either birth or adoptive parents.
- Our agency provides the original birth certificate and adoption records to both biological and adoptive parents. Adopted people have been fighting for access to their original birth certificates and adoption-related documents for years, and adoption laws in some states now provide adopted people with access to these documents. We believe adopted people have the right to information about their adoption, including their original birth certificate.
Testimonials—closed vs open
Learn more—closed vs open
Learn more about open adoption
In an open adoption, the adopted child and their adoptive family maintain an ongoing connection to the child’s biological family.
Open adoption benefits both biological and adoptive families and, most importantly, the adopted child.
Adopted children need love and support from all their parents. Here are ways to create a healthy foundation.
Closed vs open FAQs
Frequently asked questions
- Can I have a closed adoption?
Birth parents can request that their identity not be shared with adoptive parents in their adoption process, and their choice will be honored. We encourage people to share as much information about themselves as they feel comfortable in cases where they do not want direct contact, so that their child can still know about their birth family as they grow up. Truly closed adoptions are difficult to maintain today because of the many ways people find one another, including social media, DNA tests, and adoptees having the right to access parts of their adoption file (laws vary by state). This means that ongoing confidentiality cannot be guaranteed. A birth parent’s desire to know information about or to have a direct relationship with their child and the adoptive family may shift over time, which is also something that OA&FS would help support.
- Is open adoption confusing for the child?
No, it is actually less confusing for a child to have access to information about all parts of who they are and be able to build relationships with their biological and adoptive families. Knowing about their adoption and the people who are a part of it can help adoptees to process and better understand their adoption story.
- What do adoptees call their birth parents in an open adoption?
Adoptees and their biological families choose ways to refer to one another that work for them, and every situation is different. In some cases, an adopted child may refer to a biological parent using the word mother or father (or a variant such as mom, mama, etc.), while in other cases they may choose to refer to them using their first names. During adoption planning, biological and adoptive families often talk about how they will refer to one another, and this can set a foundation for how the child will refer to people. This can also change over time.
- What is open adoption?
In an open adoption, the adopted child and their adoptive family maintain an ongoing connection to the child’s biological family – often with regular updates, visits, and a relationship that evolves over time like any relationship. This ongoing connection is recognized to be beneficial to everyone involved, especially the child. Our agency was founded in 1985 with a focus on openness, which was not very common at the time. Most adoptions today have some level of openness. Although openness in adoption is now considered a best practice compared with historically closed adoptions, it does not resolve the trauma and grief inherent in adoption.
- Who names the baby in an open adoption?
In an open adoption, birth and adoptive parents often collaboratively name their child. There are two birth certificates in adoption, an original birth certificate that is completed by the birth parents when a child is born and a second, amended, birth certificate that is completed by the adoptive parents when the adoption is finalized. In some cases, these names are different and in others they are the same. When biological and adoptive families are thinking about naming a child, they are encouraged to think about how the child may someday feel about the story of their name. Many adult adoptees have expressed feeling confused or hurt in learning that their name was changed.