How do you prepare for the possibility of adoption?
By Leah Lusk, content specialist
One universal truth for people hoping to become parents through adoption is that they cannot control when or even if they will become parents. So how do people get ready for something that’s continuously uncertain?
Every prospective adoptive parent needs to figure out what works best for them, but we always recommend finding a balance between living your life as usual and preparing yourself for the possibility of adoptive parenting. Plan vacations, enjoy your hobbies (especially ones that you know would be harder to do if you were parenting!), and embrace contentment with life as it is, while holding on to the possibility of it being something different.
To prepare for that possibility, it will help for you to understand adoption as best as you can. Your possible future child will need that from you! In the OA&FS learning and evaluation process for prospective adoptive parents, we share several resources intended to help waiting families better understand adoption. One newer resource that has been transformative for our staff and community is the book Adoption Unfiltered, in which the three co-authors share perspectives from across the adoption constellation in an unfiltered look at the realities of adoption. The podcast that the book stemmed from also features some rich conversations among adoption constellation members.
Of course, it’s also important to prepare for the possibility of caring for a child, so taking an infant care class and reading books about child development and approaches to parenting through adoption are additional ways to bolster your knowledge. OA&FS now offers infant care classes tailored to prospective adoptive parents, so keep an eye on our events page for upcoming offerings.
Another great resource that many OA&FS families have used is the Center for Adoption Medicine, which can help prospective parents understand the unique needs an adopted child may have. The website has a wealth of resources for families who are preparing or have already adopted a child.
Thinking about how you will honor and integrate a future child’s biological family into your life is also an important thought exercise as you consider the possibility of parenting in adoption. Sometimes adoptive and biological family members have many things in common, but not always. How comfortable are you being in relationship with people who are very different than you? Can you seek out new relationships and practice being uncomfortable? There are many aspects of adoption that require adoptive parents to step out of their comfort zone, and practicing now will help you get more familiar with how you can show up as your authentic self even while feeling uncomfortable.
Lastly, as you wait and prepare, remember that adoption is ultimately about finding families for children who need them, not children for families who want them. Seeking out ways to support pregnant people, children, and families in your community can be a meaningful practice that is well within the scope of more ethical adoption practices!
If you are an OA&FS waiting family, make sure you attend our monthly (except in the summer) pool parties to learn and connect with other families. Check your monthly Bulletin for information on registration!