Building community in adoption is worth the effort for our family, especially our children
In the photo above, members of the OA&FS community gather for a summer picnic in Portland. Such events are one way to connect with the adoption community.
Guest post by Chris Sullivan, OA&FS adoptive parent
My husband and I adopted our first child in 2017 and our second in 2018. Now ages 6 and 7, they are becoming increasingly curious about and engaged in their adoption stories. As their awareness evolves, it has become more important for us to build connections within the adoption community through relationships that offer mutual support and help our children see families that resemble their own.
While we’re fortunate to have strong support from family, friends, neighbors, and our children’s school, our adoption-specific connections outside of OA&FS have been limited, but we are making progress. One recent and meaningful encounter came unexpectedly when we met another adoptive family at a park with two dads and children close in age to ours. We’ve started building a relationship with them, enjoying conversations about our shared experiences and watching our kids form their own connection. This timely and fortunate encounter is meeting a real need for our family, offering a peer connection that our children can relate to and positively supporting them as they continue to explore and embrace their identities.
In addition, we belong to a couple of Facebook groups for LGBTQ families in Seattle and on the Eastside. Additionally, one of our children had a classmate who was also adopted, though they’ve since moved away. These small moments of connection remind us that building community takes time and intentional effort.
To new or prospective adoptive parents, our advice would be to be brave and proactive. Sometimes you have to take the first step, even if it feels uncomfortable. We’ve realized there’s more we could have done and more we still want to do to meet and build relationships with other adoptive families. We’ve attended a few seasonal OA&FS events, and while we haven’t yet formed strong connections that way, we see the value in continuing to show up. We also have the option of reaching out to other adoptive families through LGBTQ family Facebook groups and have even begun researching adoption-specific family camps across the country. Sometimes you just have to jump in and immerse yourself, trusting that something good will come from it.
Our connection with OA&FS has been a constant source of guidance and support. The support and resources we’ve accessed through the agency continue to shape our growth as adoptive parents and as a family. From counseling sessions and volunteering at orientations for prospective adoptive families to attending a recent speaker panel on navigating limited or no contact with birth parents, OA&FS has helped us feel more prepared and supported.
Most recently, we participated in the age 6–10 adoptive parents’ cohort, which offered another layer of connection and insight. Engaging with other parents with shared experiences created a sense of community and reassurance, making it easier to open up and ask for help in a safe and welcoming environment. These conversations offered practical ideas on how to approach adoption topics in our family, including suggestions around language, conversation starters, age-appropriate activities, and meaningful family traditions. We also learned about a wide range of resources available to adoptive families, such as camps, books, films, and other nonprofit organizations that support both adoptive parents and adoptees. It was a reminder that we’re not alone and that community remains an essential part of how we parent, how we support our children, and how we understand our role in this lifelong journey.