Author Q&A: Lauren Haas, ‘A Heart That Holds It All’

Behind the book: A Heart That Holds It All

A Q&A with adoptee and author Lauren Haas
By Leah Lusk, content specialist

I recently reviewed the children’s book “A Heart That Holds It All,” written by adoptee and author Lauren Haas. Today I’m sharing a Q&A with Lauren about her debut book. Below are her thoughtful responses; this post is long but well worth the read!

Can you share a little about your background and what led you to write this book?

I’m Lauren Haas, and my journey as an adoptee has profoundly shaped both my personal life and professional path. Growing up, I often felt isolated in my adoption experience, struggling with questions of identity and mental health. It wasn’t until I found a counselor who truly understood and validated my feelings that I began to heal and see the power of being heard. That experience inspired me to write A Heart That Holds It All — a book created to amplify adoptee voices and provide young adoptees with the representation and validation I wish I’d had as a child.

My educational background includes graduating with a master’s in counseling and working as an elementary school counselor. Through my work, I’ve become passionate about mental health advocacy and psychoeducation, which I share on my Instagram, @thecognitivecounselor.

The idea for this book came from realizing that most adoption stories focus on overly positive narratives, often overlooking the complex emotions—like grief, sadness, and longing—that many adoptees experience. I wanted to create a story that acknowledges these feelings and reassures adoptees that all of their emotions are valid and important. Ultimately, writing this book has been a healing journey for me and a way to offer comfort and connection to adoptees who might feel unseen or misunderstood.

You said in your intro that this is a message you wish you had growing up. What messages do you remember hearing about adoption?

Growing up, adoption wasn’t something we talked about in a negative way—not because my parents weren’t open to those conversations, but because the adoption agency they worked with didn’t explain that adoption can be a traumatic event. At that time, and even now, kids adopted at birth are often seen as a “clean slate,” as if they don’t carry the complexities that come with loss and identity. I struggled a lot with my mental health, and it wasn’t until college that I really began to view my adoption differently and started processing the grief that had been there all along.

The messages I heard growing up were mostly about how “lucky” I was and how I should feel “grateful.” While well-intentioned, those messages often made me feel even more alone because they didn’t acknowledge the full range of emotions adoptees experience. I wish I had heard more honest, validating messages that recognized the complexity of adoption — the grief, the questions, and the longing — as well as the love and gratitude. That’s the message I wanted to share in my book: that it’s okay to feel all of it, and that those feelings are real and important.

It seems like you grew up with curiosity about where you came from, as is natural for an adoptee. Have you learned more about that as an adult or have you explored that curiosity in other ways?

Curiosity is such a natural and significant part of the adoptee experience — how could it not be? Growing up, I was always wondering about the life I might have had and the people I came from, even though I had no real memories or connections to that part of my story. As I got older, I realized that this curiosity, without any tangible answers, led me to idealize my birth parents. In many ways, I think that was a protective mechanism — a way to shield myself from the grief of not knowing them.

When I eventually met my birth parents, it was a painful but important experience. They weren’t the perfect figures I’d imagined, and facing that reality helped me accept that nothing can truly erase the original grief of separation. That acceptance has been difficult, but also deeply healing.

As an adult, I’ve channeled that curiosity into my work as a counselor. It’s allowed me to hold space for other people’s grief and stories, even when they’re very different from my own. I’ve also found healing by expressing myself through art and writing, especially in creating this book. Using art therapy and play-based techniques in my counseling practice has become a meaningful way to help both myself and the children I work with process complex emotions. In many ways, my curiosity has transformed from a source of pain into a wellspring of empathy and creativity that I bring into my work every day.

You don’t explicitly use the words birth parents or biological family in the book. Was that intentional? If so, why?

Yes, that choice was very intentional. I recognize that every family system and adoption story is unique, and I wanted to honor that diversity by not imposing my own language or definitions about what adoption “should” look like. The goal of A Heart That Holds It All was never to prescribe a specific narrative, but rather to create space for adoptees to see their feelings reflected — especially those emotions that might not always be accepted or acknowledged in the world around them. By leaving the language open, I hoped each reader could connect with the story in a way that feels authentic to their own experience and family structure.

What other messages do you think are missing from children’s books about adoption? Do you have plans to write any other books?

There are still so many important messages missing from children’s books about adoption. I believe books are a powerful way for kids to see their world reflected back to them and to feel less alone in their experiences. Too often, adoption stories in children’s literature focus on the happy or “chosen” narrative, but they don’t always address the more complex emotions — like grief, confusion, or the longing for connection — that many adoptees feel. I think it’s crucial for books to acknowledge these feelings and reassure children that it’s okay to have them.

I do have ideas for future books based on different aspects of my own adoption experience. In fact, I’m currently working on my next book, which I hope to release this fall. This project is inspired by my complicated feelings around birthdays growing up — the heaviness and confusion I felt on a day that was supposed to be joyful, but often wasn’t. My goal is to create a story that’s relatable and digestible for adopted children, helping them put words to feelings they might not understand yet. Ultimately, I want to keep creating books that offer honest, supportive messages and help adoptees — and all kids — feel seen, understood, and accepted.

What was the writing process like? How long did it take?

The writing process for A Heart That Holds It All was both healing and scary. I had always dreamed of writing a book, and the story itself had been written for a long time, but turning it into an actual book took much longer.

All in all, it’s been a long journey. Self-publishing was a deliberate choice because this story is so close to my heart; I wanted it to remain authentic, without extreme editing or changes. Since there aren’t many books like this out there, it felt vulnerable to share something that goes against the typical “grateful adoptee” narrative. I’ve carried a lot of internalized guilt around adoption, and being honest in this book was both liberating and daunting.

Now that I’ve gone through the process once, I’ve learned so much and already have ideas for what I’d like to do differently next time. Ultimately, this book is a piece of my heart, and I’m proud to have created something so authentic and needed.

How did you come up with the illustrations for your book?

I created the illustrations for A Heart That Holds It All through a unique and personal process. As a student, I couldn’t afford a traditional illustrator, so I leaned into my skills with Adobe and graphic design. When AI image generation technology became more accessible, I developed an AI model specifically for my main character, which took a couple of months. After that, I used Adobe to design and complete the rest of the book’s illustrations. This approach allowed me to maintain authenticity and create visuals that truly represent the story and emotions I wanted to convey.

What do you hope that children and parents take away from reading your book? Anything else you want people to know?

What I hope most is that children and parents who read A Heart That Holds It All come away feeling seen, understood, and empowered. For young adoptees, I want this book to be a gentle reminder that all of their feelings — whether it’s joy, curiosity, sadness, or longing — are valid and important. My wish is for them to know they are not alone in their experiences, and that their stories matter deeply.

For parents and caregivers, I hope the book opens up honest conversations about the complexities of adoption and encourages empathy, patience, and openness. I want families to feel equipped to support their children’s emotional journeys, even when those feelings are difficult or unfamiliar.

Something else I want people to know is that this book was created from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. I drew inspiration from diverse children’s literature like The Day You Begin and You Are Enough, and I am passionate about making sure every child feels represented and valued in the stories they read. I also share resources and evidence-based interventions for counselors and families on my Instagram, @thecognitivecounselor, because I believe in the power of community and accessible support. Ultimately, my hope is that A Heart That Holds It All helps spark connection, self-acceptance, and healing for anyone who picks it up.

Read the review of this book on the OA&FS blog. The book is available for purchase via Amazon or Barnes and Noble.