Author Q&A: Katie Biron, ‘The Love Tree’ – Part 2

This week, we are picking up with Part 2 of a Q&A with Katie Biron, author of “The Love Tree.” Check out Part 1, in which she shared a bit about her background and motivation for writing this book, as well as some insight into how her perspective on adoption and family has changed over the years. We also recently published a review of the book here. And if you’re interested in being entered into a drawing to win a free copy of the book, email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

What messages do you remember hearing about foster care and adoption before you became a foster and then adoptive parent? What did they get right or wrong?

Let’s see, there were so many:
• “Any child would be so lucky to have you as parents.”
• “You guys are angels.”
• “You have such a good heart.”
• “You are the real mom. Who do you think changed their diapers, held them when they were sick, or took them to their first day of kindergarten?”
• “It’s ok not to share all the details of why adoption is part of their story. Just tell them their birth parents couldn’t take care of any baby and decided it was best to place their baby with good people ready to be parents. Tell them they were the missing puzzle piece to their family, a gift, a blessing. And that you love them so much. That’s all they need to know.”
• “Love is enough.”

Kids aren’t lucky to lose their connection to an entire family when they get adopted. Kids aren’t lucky when they are taken from their families and placed with strangers. Ditch the savior mentality or the idea that they were rescued from what would have been a horrible life devoid of love. A bit of tough love: It’s not about you and your feelings, adoptive parent. Go to therapy, read books, talk to adult adoptees — do whatever you need to do so your child can speak freely about all the parts of their adoption, even those that challenge your deepest insecurities as parents.

Experts say kids need to know their whole adoption story by age 12. I know what you are thinking and yes, even that.

The truth is that with resources, many parents could have cared for their baby and kept their child. This is an ugly truth of foster care and adoption.
No person is ALL bad or ALL good.

Adult adoptees often say they hated being called a “blessing” or a “gift” because of the pressure it put on them — to be perfect children or to fulfill a predetermined expectation.

Love is not enough.

What messages or stories about adoption, foster care or related topics are still missing from children’s books? Do you have plans to write any more books? 

Another great question. We need so many more books that allow children to see their own experiences reflected in stories. I work in both foster care and adoption, so I would love to see children’s books covering a wide range of topics — such as normalizing that adoption means kids have two families (and neither is the “real” family), showing what it looks like when (biological) siblings live in different households, entering foster care, family time visitation, termination of parental rights, and so much more.

We also need an entire series of books to help parents tackle tough topics that are often difficult to bring up with kids. Topics like substance use disorder, neglect, homelessness, generational trauma, the trauma of being separated from a first family, the impact of separating a newborn from the only mother they have known, navigating complex relationships, having two families, and growing up apart from the people who created you. I want to see books that don’t villainize or erase a child’s first family.

And that’s just children’s literature. I also want to write a book that shares my own story in a gentle, comprehensive way — because sometimes that’s what people need in order to start questioning their beliefs about adoption. I can write all the children’s books I want, but if I don’t reach the hearts of the adults who love them, those books will never make it into children’s hands.

So yes! My mind overflows with ideas, and I have little lists of potential topics scribbled on paper scraps all over my office. I can’t wait to write more books — I just need to find the time!

I am however excited to announce that the first book in my Tackling Tough Topics series, “Sly: Exploring Addiction & Substance Use Disorder,” will be coming out early next year. Sly is my answer to a very frequent statement I hear from adoptive parents: “I don’t know what to say! Just give me a script, please!” I’m looking for people who would like to be part of my advanced reader circle for Sly. Basically, this gives you early access to a digital copy of Sly in exchange for agreeing to post an Amazon review once the book goes live (because apparently this is what the algorithm gremlins need to boost a book’s ratings). Click here to sign up to join Team Sly!

What was the writing process like? How long did it take?

Well, the writing process was easy. My brain is pretty creative, and once I identify a story that needs to be told, ideas start flowing immediately. I had been searching for a long time for books about adoption to add to our home collection, but I couldn’t find any that talked about having two families or showed an open adoption. Knowing how common open adoption is in the U.S., I recognized this gap in children’s literature and decided to try to fill it. I think I wrote the general story of The Love Tree in just two days.

Sly came to me one afternoon while I was working in my garden and reflecting on addiction. I lost a beloved uncle to addiction when I was a kid, and I wish so much that my kids had the opportunity to know him. By the time I finished gardening a few hours later, most of Sly was already written in my head. I came inside, washed my hands, and immediately started typing, terrified that if I let any time pass, I would forget the words.

After that, I began researching my next steps. I tried to find an agent or a traditional publisher but had no success. I thought about giving up, but I felt deeply committed to creating a children’s book about adoption that didn’t vilify or erase a child’s first family. Over the next two years, I worked hard to self-publish. I had to learn so many new skills and take on personal costs. It was difficult, but absolutely worth it.

Today, I love hearing from parents who share how much their child enjoyed making their own Love Tree, from adult adoptees who were touched by The Love Tree, or from first moms who tell me it’s the only adoption book they allow in their home. Those moments remind me that all the hard work was completely worth it.

What do you hope that children and parents take away from reading your book?

I hope they see child-centered adoption language modeled for them. I hope this serves as a gentle introduction to the concept of openness. I also hope they recognize that this book is not only for adoptees, but for all children, and that they buy several copies for their child’s school and friends (you can order a beautifully packaged, gift-ready hard cover copy of The Love Tree with 2 additional surprises at www.katiebiron.com). Finally, I hope they share my book with others, because society often holds a very black-and-white, savior-versus-villain view of adoption. We need to educate the public so that they, in turn, can do better.

What are some other favorite resources around foster care and adoption that you recommend?

Books:
“You Should Be Grateful” by Angela Tucker
“Adoption Unfiltered: Revelations from Adoptees, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents and Allies” by Sara Easterly, Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard and Lori Holden

I have tons of curated resources from lots of awesome individuals and organizations that do this work on my website and am always adding more, so that’s a good place to start!

Anything else you want people to know?

My early days as an adoptive mom were filled with good intentions and a deep love for my child. I read the books, took the trainings, and talked to other adoptive parents. I truly was doing the best I could and I don’t beat myself up for not being the adoptive parent my child needed me to be.

It took me a long time to learn how to be the adoptive parent my adoptee truly needed. Resources to guide me were few and far between. It was a hard, confusing path for me. I want future foster and adoptive parents to be able to take an easier path. Every single day, my mission is to create the tools, trainings, books, and supports I once wished for as a new adoptive parent — so that every adoptee can grow up in a home filled with the spirit of openness, where adoption is embraced as part of their identity rather than hidden away. So basically, be gentle with yourself for not knowing, but now that you know better, it is time to do better, and I’m here to help you start or continue your journey.

I also want to explain why my illustrator is not credited in my books. They are an incredible artist and a wonderful person who lives in a war-torn country. At their request, I have kept their information confidential because they did not want their name or any personal information shared publicly. As much as I would love to acknowledge their work — even under a pseudonym — I respect and honor their wish to remain anonymous.

Learn more about Katie Biron and ‘The Love Tree’ on her website, and be sure to read our review of the book and email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) to be entered into a drawing to win a free copy!